This is the last question I have answered thus far. I intend to keep answering questions throughout the month, so if you would like to participate by asking questions, send me a message at Leah’s Facebook page, and I’ll add them to the list!

This question was asked for the specific purpose of being able to share the answer and responses with other professionals. If you want your response to be shared as well, comment on the post on Leah’s page.

Question: “What advice would you give to a teacher/coach (dance, karate, swim, cheer, football, theatre, etc) who would like to be more inclusive, but is afraid of “failing” the child or their family? I think there’s a lot of fear that comes along with inclusivity…fear of injuring the student, fear of offending the family, fear of not understanding the needs, fear of getting sued for one reason or another, fear of losing other clients because they don’t understand the additional needs or behaviors of other students in the class that may be seen as “distracting,” fear of not doing a good job, etc. I hear these fears often from people in extracurricular fields. The answer to these fears is knowledge. Please share your experiences and advice so we can help to remove those fears and create a more inclusive environment!”

So. Let me start with two stories to illustrate my feelings on this question.

1) As a person who suffered with chronic pain from an early age, I was never a very good student in physical education. Most of my P.E. teachers antagonized me and penalized me for my limitations, and made me resentful and resistant to participation – and in general they would mock students who performed poorly regardless of their physical health, making me even more self-conscious about my minimal athletic skill. The only decent grade I ever got in P.E. was from a teacher whose philosophy was that if she could see that you were making an effort to do your best, you would get a good grade in her class, regardless of your athletic skill. She was the only P.E. teacher who didn’t fail me (and now I’m not talking about grades).

2) At Leah’s summer camp, they closed out the session with a community basketball game, with campers (both with special needs and typically-developing) playing against adults from the community, including staff from the camp, police officers, and even professional basketball players. The game was absolutely adorable, but one thing I observed is that while the adults were very clearly letting the kids win the game, they were doing it in such a way that the children were still working really hard, individually and as a team, to earn that victory. So when they ultimately won, they could be proud of themselves for working hard and playing as a team.

For extracurricular activities, it is helpful to think about what the program is and what service it provides, and consider why parents enroll their kids in that program. In school, the measure of success is usually how many answers the child gets right, and whether the child conforms to specified academic standards. But in extracurriculars, the desired outcomes may not be so clear-cut.

In an art class, for example, is the goal to create masterpieces, or is it to acquire new skills and/or build on existing ones? Is the goal of joining a gymnastics class for small children to become competitive athletes, or to work on building coordination, strength and skill? In Girl Scouts, is the goal to become a star scout and earn every single badge in the book, or is it to give girls opportunities to build confidence and independence? In a children’s soccer league, what’s more important – winning the game, or learning how to play on a team?

Personally, I’m not thinking about whether Leah is going to become competitive in a given sport or activity – if she does, that’s great, but I’m enrolling her so that she can have fun and reap the benefits of the activity, e.g. exercise, improved coordination, team-building and cooperation, social interaction, new skills, etc. So my expectations for her are not going to be about how well she performs, but about what she puts into the class and what she gets out of it.

So I guess what I would ask from activity leaders here is that they demand the same amount of effort at participation, and self-discipline from Leah that they demand from the other children, and that they treat that as the bar for success.

I don’t want Leah to be babied and allowed to get away with poor behavior and minimal effort just because she has a disability. But I also recognize that she has limitations, and in certain situations, expecting the same *outcomes* from her as from the other kids is setting her up for failure. So I am not going to ask whether Leah’s cartwheels were as straight and flawless as the next kid’s cartwheels, or whether her craft project is as impressive. I’m going to ask whether she stood and waited for her turn as the other kids did, whether she listened to the teacher and did as she was instructed, whether she cheered for a classmate who gave a great performance, and whether she was a good team player. I’m also going ask whether Leah’s performance is improving from session to session, comparing her to herself rather than to other kids. And I’m going to ask whether she had fun.

As for the other children in the class or on the team? Three thoughts to consider here:

1) Consider that Leah might be able to model some good behaviors for other kids as much as they might be models for her. Maybe you have little kids in your class who have separation anxiety and panic when their parents leave. Maybe you have shy kids in your class who are afraid to approach others. Maybe your team members need to be reminded to say “please” and “thank you.” 🤷🏻‍♀️😄 Leah is here to help! And consider that Leah might really be great at whatever skill you’re teaching! Couldn’t you see her hamming it up in a theater class?

2) Psychologists have found that praising children’s effort and hard work is much more powerful than praising natural ability, and encourages kids to work even harder to reach their potential. This is true of children with low, average, AND high levels of ability or skill.

Having children with a variety of abilities in a class (whether they have special needs or just aren’t particularly athletic) is a good way for teachers and coaches to model that type of praise. It teaches kids to appreciate what they and their classmates and teammates can do instead of only focusing on their limitations, and it helps ensure that every child in the class reaches their personal potential. And it gives kids of all abilities the confidence to step outside their comfort zone with the knowledge that you will recognize that step as an accomplishment on its own, even if they aren’t able to achieve the desired outcome.

3) Ultimately, it is good for typically-developing children to see children with disabilities being treated with the respect they deserve, and being recognized as valued members of the team and the community. It’s good for kids with disabilities to be appreciated and respected and valued for their contributions. And it is good for all children to understand that being the absolute best at something isn’t necessarily always the greatest or only measure of success.

This is only my own opinion and perspective, and of course Leah is young, so I’m thinking primarily of classes for children her age. Other parents of kids with special needs, please feel free to chime in.